Whenever I see the tenth suit of Swords and Wands, I almost always run to the fact that it bears the number ten so I can console myself. This man has been through A LOT. This man has taken on burdens after burdens. This man is pushing the limits. At last, he is allowed to be exhausted.
Number ten is a completion. Number ten reduces to 1; it has both the vibrations of a pillar (a foundation) and coming full circle. The ten also corresponds to the Wheel of Fortune, which signifies change, major shifts, and cycles.
There was a YouTube video a few years back of the lovely Teal Swan talking about "Endurism", a term she coined for basically staying in painful situations as a coping strategy. This would be the opposite of "Escapism". There is so much to be said about why people choose (whether they are aware or not) to stay in unhappy situations.
Sometimes, the shift merely comes from a change in perception. And the new perception may come from a seemingly unrelated circumstance long after the "situation" has been put to the back burner. Almost like an "accident".
I'd share something related.
Years ago, I would feel anxious, heavy, and sad just by walking on particular streets around our area. But especially along a distant relative's property. This was where I spent my college days. I'll just say I was mostly miserable there. My mom and I took a walk recently and ended up dropping by the place. At some point, I stood outside the gate, and looked at the surroundings. I looked at the three lanes branching off from that corner into three different streets. Streets where I tried to live normally. Where I studied, walked, talked to friends, kept wishing things will change. I noticed how small they all appear now (which is not uncommon but a curious phenomenon). Up until today, these places trigger in me feelings of regret and failure. Of what should have been.
Suddenly, I was aware that I do not care anymore. I was gripped by a sense of being free at last. I heard the words: I can leave this life - (I am ready). It just happened. Out of the blue. Without effort, without expectation. There was nothing for me there anymore.
I have no explanation except for the natural course of things at play. What a fitting card I drew for that day!
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