Remembering death

The Latin saying, "Memento mori" , translates to 'remember death'. 

When I got this card I asked for an additional message so I intuitively opened a page on a Buddhism book (Dharma text). Boy, did the universe wink again when the paragraph I got talks about the "Law of Karma" ! (for noobs, it's not what we usu. think it is!  Sorryyy😁😉) 

To live  is to die one day. This is the absolute Law. And if the "Justice" inherent in all conditioned, transient things does NOT forget,  it follows that it cannot forget ANYTHING. All that was thought,  all that was spoken,  all that was done. 

The Buddha offered us a threefold way to honor and live with the inevitability of death: think rightly, speak rightly,  do rightly. 

Fully meditating (sitting quietly) on death is something I haven't done enough. But the beauty of this subject is that it is so,  so immediate, powerful and always timely that just reminding yourself you can't stay here forever and you can't do anything about it gives you a shift,  be it cognitively, energetically or otherwise. 

According to the Dharma,  we cannot "act" without our physical body. So our humanness here and now is a special gift, a unique power. May we not let this chance go to waste.

On Uncertainty

     I have only recently appreciated the Queen of Cups and the wider nuances of her energy. Right now I can say that she is the master of Uncertainty. 

Uncertainty is one of my biggest kryptonites. Perhaps only second to being sick and alone. The worldwide "crisis" only amplified it for me. Most days, I am not even certain of what I am uncertain about! Hah! 

Uncertainty leads to stress. Which leads to anxiety which leads to desperation. 

Which can lead to more serious forms of anxiety and depression. It's no joke. So imagine going through this if you are of the neurotic personality? If you naturally possess anxious temperaments? Also for the ones who rely more on logic and intellect? The need to know is so strong that we HAVE TO  look for answers and solutions.

In my experience, it rarely occurred to me that I didn't "have to". That I totally have the choice to not find the answer!

Knowing, or the process of finding answers has always been the only way. It doesn't matter if I am looking for the wrong answers or looking for it in the wrong places. I have to be able to convince myself that "I (will) know". 

The non-acceptance of uncertainty is essentially a resistance. It is a push away; a hardening against that which we perceive as harmful or painful. It is also a closing off from most of life's possibilities. 

Well, it's easy to say accept or (cringe) think positive! But how exactly do we navigate the state of uncertainty?

One of my key takeaways from my favorite teacher @Teal Swan is that we need to "grace negative feelings with unconditional presence". Unconditional. This is NOT waiting until the feelings are better or manageable or acceptable. Only then can we directly face what exactly ABOUT the unknown we fear. 

The Queen of Cups is such a great embodiment of graceful, unconditional presence. She allows her flowy garment to touch the ground and keeps one foot in the water. She does not care for any weapon, adornments or fortresses because she knows she will never be too far from solid ground. She meets the currents of emotions. And she's not afraid to see within because she is the "containment" of all thoughts and feelings.

This feminine energy reminds us of openness and being soft. The states necessary to embrace uncertainty. To her, being with, is a much higher state than being sure. Being sure is an ended-ness. Being sure doesn't truly exist in this universe. 

Because in case we forgot, nothing is certain. There is nothing we can absolutely know and be sure of in this world. This Queen can laugh at the cosmic joke! With empathy of course. :)

Message from the Seven of Cups

            Imagine for a moment that enough-ness is something that can never be taken out from human consciousness. Imagine that no lack in the physical realm can ever put a dent on one's self-esteem. 

To me, if that were the case, then I'm imagining gods!

But then, imagine if even those gods were not immune to feelings of deficiency. What if the unfathomable bounty of this multiverse is irresistible even for powerful beings?  Sounds like we need specially anointed gods! 

In Greek mythology, The Moirai were the three goddesses of fate that insures every man is assigned his own slice of this multiverse and in turn his destiny.

[Their name means "Parts." "Shares" or "Alottted Portions." The individuals were Klotho (Clotho), the "the Spinner," who spun the thread of life, Lakhesis (Lachesis), "the Apportioner of Lots", who measured it, and Atropos (or Aisa), "She who cannot be turned," who cut it short. Zeus Moiragetes, the god of fate, was their leader. https://www.theoi.com/]

In this card we see gold chalices filled with tempting gifts. A closer look reveals that not everything is for his good. Some may lead him to suffering. We also notice how they appeared as if from smoke or clouds. Further suggesting that these could be illusions.

The Seven of Cups gives me a subtle but almost physical distress. On top of that, I couldn't really sympathize with the anonymous man. Maybe I know he brought it upon himself. Maybe I disdain his perceived greed. Maybe his inability to decide mirrors my issues. 

Roland Barthes' in his book "A Lover's Discourse", introduced me to the idea of 'Giver of the Fates'  which helped me reconcile this troubling card to its lesser known but deeper interpretation: the revelation of transcendental spiritual truth(s).

Barthes wrote: "I am not the only one— I am alone in nothing, I have brothers and sisters, I am to share, I must yield to the law of division: are not the goddesses of Destiny also the goddesses of the human Lot, of allotment—the Moirai, the last of whom is the Silent One, Death?"

He goes on: "Further, if I do not accept the partitioning out of love, I deny love's perfection, for it is proper to perfection to be shared......" [Jealousy, p. 145]

Although jealousy, envy and contentment are seldom directly associated to it, Seven of Cups highlights the riches (and truths) that have not yet been discerned, consciously chosen, integrated and alchemized by the seeker. Thus he sees each "treasure" separate from himself, from one another and at that, alluring. He suffers when he shares. A win or lose.There is no oneness. 

From the lens of love, the world is perfect and so it is enough for all beings. The seeker learns that he cannot truly take or give away. He must choose wisely and not fall for any illusion. Us simpler folks may get comfort from the thought that somewhere, there are three goddesses who have already allotted love (or destinies?) to us . Hey, the Greeks knew all along. We can never have it all.

 

Impostor syndrome?

     I never paid much attention to Seven of Swords until today. On a popular Tarot site, the interpretations include impostor syndrome. I also never identified with this phenomenon. But it's time to know more.

Wikipedia says: " Impostor Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
..............

The feeling of being a fraud that surfaces in impostor phenomenon is not uncommon. It has been estimated that nearly 70% of individuals will experience signs and symptoms of impostor phenomenon at least once in their life."

I haven't realized until now how many times I have actually FELT that!

My question was purely about me.
The card came off reversed...
So in this context, is the man's grin coming from a successful self-deceit? Or is it the self happily revealing this deceit??

I am rooting for the latter! 😬😛

The Enthusiastic + The Dedicated

  

        When 2019 was ending someone lent me the book Prosperity by Charles Fillmore. I took it from the shelf this week. In the middle of the volume I found this passage: 

" Whatever you form in the mind and have faith in will become substantial. Then you should be on guard as regards (to) what you put your faith in. If it is material forms, shadows that cease to be as soon as your supporting thought is withdrawn from them, you are building temporary substance that will pass away and leave you nothing." (p. 106)

At first it struck me as similar to that of a puritanical notion that striving for anything material/physical is futile and wrong. I wanted to treat the words as an oracle of the day. But my discomfort and curiosity compelled me to ask more. It took a li'l longer to connect the dots with the cards. But as usual when that AHA! moment comes, it's just amuzing (amusing + amazing ! haha). 

Mr Enthusiastic, Page of Wands admires his newfound handsome thing, that thing that he's going for, looks at it with glassy eyes. He holds it up away from his body like a finished creation. Perhaps wishing for others to see how awesome it is and how cool he looks with it. Giving us a representation of the human capriciousness, the need for novelty, and the need for approval. These are shadows that cease to be when "supporting thoughts" are withdrawn. The reversal emphasizes the immaturity and fragility of his desire. Or else a disillusionment from worldly affairs signaling a detour to spirituality.

Mr Dedicated, Eight of Pentacles shows us another way. Not by vilifying the material world but by knowing it intimately. Hunched on his pentacle in pure focus without care if anyone should be around to admire, he labors with commitment and does not stop to count how many has he finished or what else is out there. Here, he is building a substance that do not seem to leave him as they stay up securely placed on a foundation. (Without a supporting thought).

The card combination shows a great example of the "as within so without" rule in regards to prosperity. For no matter how many promising wands come our way, without that which cannot be taken from us, we are bound to go from one shiny thing  after another. A "temporary substance" that leaves us nothing in the end.

Interestingly, it reminds us that a good foundation is built not by merely guarding our faiths but more so through work. Work requires grounding the desired with intention and focus. (Again, the intimate knowing.) And in the process, the man discovers how and where he must put his faith in.

Long ago, I've read a quotation that goes something like: It's not about what you get after reaching your goals but what you become while reaching them. 

Now, that is something you can put your faith in!

The Sun

This card is not my conscious favorite but it never fails to cheer me up. ( I guess all Tarot peeps feel the same). Lately, it's the child on the horse that captures my attention more than the mighty bright sun. I love how he's not even holding onto the animal. I love how open and carefree he looks with his body. Calling me perhaps to channel the energy, optimism and jolliness of a youngster. Times have been rough for me, too. But when I am in this energy state, it is so easy. I become, for lack of a better word, guilty and ashamed that I can choose a world in this vast quantum field where almost anything is silly and I'm supposed to dance and laugh hard and make fun goals just for the heck of it. I loosen my grip to this reality before an imagined but internalized, future doom happens because I was not my "mature", "reliable" self. 

It's interesting how during the course of my own, unmentored shadow work, this child in me has gradually come out as one of my stronger fragments. At least now, I am not impulsively running from it. That's a big relief! I offer it my meditations and amusement with this Major Arcana card.

 

Cancelling Monday

    

     Something I'm not proud of, I made an agreement with myself to not "strive" on Mondays. Being the first weekday, I think most people living the "9 to 5 life" have always had this expectation placed on them to start strong on a Monday. The implicit idea being that if you were not productive on the first day you're already behind or you'll most likely continue to slack off the rest of the week. I do get the tremendous advantage of crossing off tasks or being productive right from the start. I have no need to argue this.                                  

But if you're anything like me, who doesn't always thrive in routine, who may just feel lukewarm towards their source of income, this Monday expectation can be challenging. You also could be dealing with different forms of misalignment here and there that cannot be directly addressed because of the present "crisis". It can be as small as getting a pimple from wearing masks to something big as potentially losing your business. Some Mondays almost push me to the edge. I hold some space for you here if you feel the same way.

I invite you to ask yourself what well intentioned societal expectations have you unconsciously adopted that could be burdening you. A good place to start is ask: where did this image or idea of me came from? Really sit with this question. When was the first time I felt I should be _____? I suspect that most answers would come from when we were young.

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I am not going to sell you the cliched self-care idea because I notice that most people tend to associate it with strictly feel good, passive activities that usually attend to just one aspect of the problem. Others just "react to the powerlessness" and call it self-care. Feel good, soothing things can still be part of this but it has to come from a better place. It has to tend as much as inspire.

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There is a way to reconcile the contradictions: In my situation, the adult who wants to perform and the kind, vulnerable person who wants to flow. We need not make an enemy of one or the other.

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The answer is what I call "conscious internal bargaining". (I just invented that, if you know the wise person who already coined this term please message me HAHAHA) To explain this, I have to tell another story. 

For now here's a summary: Acknowledge that there are two sides of you in conflict. Both need your unconditional presence. Both want what is best for you. It doesn't matter if one seems to ruin your life and the other seems closer to your ideal self. Both want you to be happy. Yes, really. Whatever you do to soothe one aspect of you, do it with a regard to the other aspect. For best results, let them talk to each other and reach an agreement.

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When I applied this concept to my Monday predicaments, I saw how I was pushing one side of me to grind "as scheduled" while hating on my fun loving, quirky side. And the more I unconsciously favor one, the more I indulge in coping mechanisms to drown the voice of the other. The shame from knowing this drags me down leading me to cope more, leading to more shame and the cycle goes on.

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Giving myself permission to not try hard on Mondays was the solution that the two conflicting sides of me came up with. So far they're both happy. Why? The adult-achiever me agrees that Mondays are not the only days to win. She realized this was a societal expectation she unconsciously believed. My quirky self knows that after some modified extended rest, it will be ready to get going again.

When we are mindful, we might see how we add shame and guilt around doing the opposite of what we say we don't like. For example, we might not want to be so active on social media but when we're offline, we keep on thinking about what we're missing out or how selfish we are for being inaccessible etc. 

When we loaf around, we keep thinking about all the tasks we should be doing. This is no loafing at all! Even when the body is at rest, the brain is still busy. Yikes! It may look like you gave in to one of your aspects' wish but no aspect of you really wins here. So an excellent shortcut is that popular "m" word: m-i-n-d-f-u-l-n-e-s-s. 

Peace and blessings!