Something I'm not proud of, I made an agreement with myself to not "strive" on Mondays. Being the first weekday, I think most people living the "9 to 5 life" have always had this expectation placed on them to start strong on a Monday. The implicit idea being that if you were not productive on the first day you're already behind or you'll most likely continue to slack off the rest of the week. I do get the tremendous advantage of crossing off tasks or being productive right from the start. I have no need to argue this.
But if you're anything like me, who doesn't always thrive in routine, who may just feel lukewarm towards their source of income, this Monday expectation can be challenging. You also could be dealing with different forms of misalignment here and there that cannot be directly addressed because of the present "crisis". It can be as small as getting a pimple from wearing masks to something big as potentially losing your business. Some Mondays almost push me to the edge. I hold some space for you here if you feel the same way.
I invite you to ask yourself what well intentioned societal expectations have you unconsciously adopted that could be burdening you. A good place to start is ask: where did this image or idea of me came from? Really sit with this question. When was the first time I felt I should be _____? I suspect that most answers would come from when we were young.
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I am not going to sell you the cliched self-care idea because I notice that most people tend to associate it with strictly feel good, passive activities that usually attend to just one aspect of the problem. Others just "react to the powerlessness" and call it self-care. Feel good, soothing things can still be part of this but it has to come from a better place. It has to tend as much as inspire.
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There is a way to reconcile the contradictions: In my situation, the adult who wants to perform and the kind, vulnerable person who wants to flow. We need not make an enemy of one or the other.
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The answer is what I call "conscious internal bargaining". (I just invented that, if you know the wise person who already coined this term please message me HAHAHA) To explain this, I have to tell another story.
For now here's a summary: Acknowledge that there are two sides of you in conflict. Both need your unconditional presence. Both want what is best for you. It doesn't matter if one seems to ruin your life and the other seems closer to your ideal self. Both want you to be happy. Yes, really. Whatever you do to soothe one aspect of you, do it with a regard to the other aspect. For best results, let them talk to each other and reach an agreement.
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When I applied this concept to my Monday predicaments, I saw how I was pushing one side of me to grind "as scheduled" while hating on my fun loving, quirky side. And the more I unconsciously favor one, the more I indulge in coping mechanisms to drown the voice of the other. The shame from knowing this drags me down leading me to cope more, leading to more shame and the cycle goes on.
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Giving myself permission to not try hard on Mondays was the solution that the two conflicting sides of me came up with. So far they're both happy. Why? The adult-achiever me agrees that Mondays are not the only days to win. She realized this was a societal expectation she unconsciously believed. My quirky self knows that after some modified extended rest, it will be ready to get going again.
When we are mindful, we might see how we add shame and guilt around doing the opposite of what we say we don't like. For example, we might not want to be so active on social media but when we're offline, we keep on thinking about what we're missing out or how selfish we are for being inaccessible etc.
When we loaf around, we keep thinking about all the tasks we should be doing. This is no loafing at all! Even when the body is at rest, the brain is still busy. Yikes! It may look like you gave in to one of your aspects' wish but no aspect of you really wins here. So an excellent shortcut is that popular "m" word: m-i-n-d-f-u-l-n-e-s-s.
Peace and blessings!
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